I feel like I’ve been living life on fast-forward lately. I’m sure you’ve gone through stages like this too.

These next few months will be ushering a lot of change for me. It’s exciting and terrifying at the same time.

My schooling is going to change. Situations in my private life are developing. I’ve made new friendships and mended old ones.  I hope to learn to drive a car and earn my license. I need to get a job. It’s time to start thinking about what I want after high school. University? College? Both?

Now, when faced with change, we all have one of two gut-instinct reactions: fight, or flight. I’d love to tell you that I’m a fighter. A glamorous warrior princess with a six pack and a go-getter attitude. Mmm, not so much. Naturally, I’m a FLIGHT-ER. I was telling my mom the other day: I shut down when I’m freaked out or faced with the need to work hard. From little stuff to big stuff, I just shut down.

In big things, the shutting down takes place in the form of laziness. Really awful laziness, I am ashamed to admit (#internetconfession). I suddenly feel too “tired” to work and convince myself to take unnecessary breaks because I’m so burnt out. In reality, I don’t have a stressful life at all, and saying I’m burnt out is just stupid.

Can you tell I’m ready to break this cycle yet?

I have friends who have lives so jam-packed, I’m in awe. I’m thinking of one friend in particular. I wonder if she’ll see this and know I’m talking about her (Shout out to you girl, you’re my work-ethic idol).

She is ridiculous…I don’t know how she gets everything done. It’s definitely inspirational.

She gets incredible grades all the time, has a part time job (or two, I don’t know if she gets paid for all of the math tutoring), and knows like sixteen different languages. She’s active in her ministry, and comes to church every weekend. Still, she’ll laugh at herself and tell us she has too much time on her hands. Oh, and she draws.

Sometimes, we’ll all be sitting around talking about how our weeks were. She’ll casually mention all of the things she has gotten done, like it’s no big deal. “Wow, this girl is a fighter“, I think to myself. “I don’t think there’s a procrastinating bone in her body. How does she do it all? I would crack under the pressure of two of those things!” Her diligence makes me re-evaluate my own habits. It’s not just just her though. I know so many people who really kick their butts every single day to achieve their dreams. They want something, and they just go for it. How? How do you just do stuff? I give into my laziness a lot, and to be honest, I’m sick and tired of it!

 I guess the point of this is just to throw a rhetorical question out into cyberspace. How does a flight-er become a fighter? Maybe your battle is with laziness too. Hopefully I’m not the only one who struggles every single day with wanting to do nothing.

Perhaps it’s a matter of pushing myself. I don’t know. I’ve tried the “tough love” approach before. I make myself get up early, push through the sleepiness, turn up my coffee mug (that’s the only “turning up” I do, thank you very much) and power through the day. It feels great at the end of the day to have worked hard. It’s probably the best feeling ever, actually.

Yet, in the past, I’ve only been able to truly work hard for about two weeks. Then, I hit a wall and have a really crappy month that sets back all the hard work I did.

With all of the aforementioned changes coming up, I want to do something to change the laziness. Lately, God’s been throwing the need to achieve at me. The deep desire to have accomplishments. It’s tiring to be stagnant, truly. My body and my mind are weary of it. The sitting and being sad that I don’t have much to show. It’s a stirring, I think. A little ache deep in my heart for something better than what I’ve been doing. It seems that good habits spurn more good habits, and laziness just breeds more sloth.

Oh, by the way, I would like to make one thing clear. I am not posting this in an attempt to fish for compliments. Please, if you know me personally, don’t feel like I need to be encouraged or reminded of past achievements. Seriously, it’s not what I’m after. I think I’m writing and posting this as a method of accountability and frankness for myself. Things on the internet don’t go away, and everyone who sees this will know my dirty secrets about laziness. Therefore, I will have no choice but to improve. Also, I’m posting this to let you guys know that someone in the world is struggling with this too. Don’t feel down if you’re like me in this regard, it’s very difficult to break lazy routines. It just is.

So, where does the jump-start come from? Where does that kick in the butt come from? The internal energy that overpowers the inclination to be lazy. Where, eh? I guess it’s something to pray for. In the end, everything is something to pray for. Does that make sense?

Ahh, I actually feel a lot better about this. Now, if you will excuse me, I’m going to go do something.